I swim, but I wish I'd never learned.

The water here's too polluted with germs.

Replies

A wise man once said that sometimes the funniest thing to say is mean.  In much the same vein, I also feel that sometimes the nicest thing is nothing at all.

Dilly Bob and Tennessee. Two drunks, ruling the country...

John Will Miller passed away on December 16, 2019 at the age of 69.  He was commonly known as Johnny, Speedbump, Santa, and best of all as Dilly Bob.  It was his chosen name, but it was also a verb, adjective, adverb and a way of life.  He taught me more about being a good person than any other teacher and mentor has.  He didn't have much, but his best quality was he generous spirit, and what he did have he was always willing to have shared.  One of the best gifts he had was his stories and his legend.  There are enough stories about the bar in Tulsa, and the Romanichal Gypsies, and the river floods in my head to write a feature length film.  From the Santa Parties ("always tip your Santa hat to the right"), to the affectionately fun nicknames ("Tennessee", "Worker," "Trash Bag," "Omaha"), to the late night phone calls discussing world events ("Impeach Trumpler!"), your presence and wisdom will be missed.  

St. Joseph lost a vibrant spirit this Christmas and one of it's truest legends (https://twitter.com/dillybobdrink/status/975431453080244224?s=19).  You weren't perfect, nor did you claim to be, but you taught me what it meant to live life fully as a bachelor and not put all your happiness in a yamen ("but Dilly Bob love them yamen").  The real importance was in family and friends, even if you don't always get along.  One of the most important lessions you taught me was forging positive relationships with animals.

You gave Drools the best life you could, and your friendship with him inspired me to get my own dog, producing ten of the most magical years of friendship with Bull ("you'll never have a better friend than a dog").  You also loved Fritz too and cared for him, despite him being a mean son-of-bitch, because he was your friend.

You have been one of the most instrumental influencers in who I became over the course of our fifteen year friendship.  From the person I was when I met you through Worker, to our most recent late night drunk calls talking about Trumpler, you've helped me live a satisfying life as an aging bachelor.  You are a bold reminder that a life fully lived is achievable despite bouts with loneliness.  I will continue to live my life by the Yule standards that you so graciously laid down for me.  You are the real Santa Claus and your gifts will live on for my lifetime.

It's hit me pretty hard that you were gone, especially finding out on Christmas, but it was kind of fitting, seeing as you're the real Santa and all.  I'm happy your pain is over after our last conversion.  A person doesn't throw around ideas like rejecting hospice care lightly.  I guess I just didn't know it was going to come before I saw you again, and I hoped we would have more conversation.  I'll really miss you not keeping me up to date on why KQ2 has gone to shit since I left.

You taught people to always love who they were because they were good people, even if people were talking shit about you ("Well, ya see, I'm a drunk, but a good drunk!").  You were so stubborn it became one of your best virtues, but it wasn't your best, those were your sense of humor and storytelling skills, and your compassion.  I aspire to have your magickal quality of lightening the mood of every group you were a part of ("you gotta be jollyful!"), even when you when you accidentally let a fire get out of control ("it got a bit out of hand, almost burnt the house down, but we got it put out").

Good bless you John "Dilly Bob" Miller, of Oregon, Missouri, son of Orville and Florence Miller.  It's going to take awhile to get used to not having late-night and early-morning drunk conversations with you every few months.  I'm a better person now than when I met you, because of our friendship, because of you.

Rest easy, dear friend.  We all know you're only napping between drinks.  Until we meet again, Dilly Bob, 

PARTY!

Feeling time... Bearing down.,..

"Feeling time, bearing down...

Bearing down..."

Good surprise tonight.  What's next?

Just doing forget the past...

(Behold a new Christ
Behold the same old horde
Gather at the altering
New beginning, new word

And the word was death
And the word was without light
The new beatitude
"Good luck, you're on your own"

Blessed are the fornicates
May we bend down to be their whores
Blessed are the rich
May we labor, deliver them more

Blessed are the envious
Bless the slothful, the wrathful, the vain
Blessed are the gluttonous
May they feast us to famine and war

What of the pious, the pure of heart, the peaceful?
What of the meek, the mourning, and the merciful?
All doomed
All doomed

Behold a new Christ
Behold the same old horde
Gather at the altering
New beginning, new word

And the word was death
And the word was without light
The new beatitude: "Good luck"

And the word was death
And the word was without light
The new beatitude: "Good luck"

What of the pious, the pure of heart, the peaceful?
What of the meek, the mourning, and the merciful?
What of the righteous? What of the charitable?
What of the truthful, the dutiful, the decent?

Doomed are the poor
Doomed are the peaceful
Doomed are the meek
Doomed are the merciful

For the word is now death
And the word is now without light
The new beatitude:
"Fuck the doomed, you're on your own")

Reflection After a Revolution

When I was leaving KQTV one year ago, I felt I was probably leaving behind the feeling of having a work environment that was akin to "The Mary Tyler Moore Show."  Little did I know how that feeling would be even more real in the position I was embarking one.

This marks around the one year anniversary of when I made the decision to take a position with KFSM television in Fort Smith.  Reflecting on my decision now, it is one of the best I have ever made.  It's given me an opportunity to shed myself of the previous cobweb of associations I had built-up and essentially start anew for the first time in my life.  The only lifeforms that have been day-to-day constants in my life from my previous to current is my animals, who have been my rocks through this sometimes difficult and lonely transition.

Meeting people has been harder than I anticipated.  The "Arklahoma" river valley region is unforgivening and unhappy in general.  I am forcing myself to go out.  I've both taken up Uber driving as a business decision to make having a reliable vehicle possible, which has also forced me to meet people.  I've found a nearby bar(Lost Beach) I can escape to once or twice a week if I see the need, and a nearby music festival(Byrdfest) in the region I can escape to once or twice a year.  Having the options for social catharsis are essentially to a happy life.

Work hasn't been all it was promised to be but it hasn't been disappointing.  I oversee produce 14 newscasts a week, with the majority being on the weekends and I really like the people I work directly alongside.  If I didn't absolutely love my career right now I probably already would've retreated back to Maryville for a hard reset.  While they are reactionary (as all management in the news industry should be), I feel I have a good report with my managers as well.  One of the most positive vocational aspects of my decision to move here is I have been able to focus entirely on what my job is, being a producer.  Management of talent, scripting and story selection/ordering.  Instead of editing the videos myself, I am essentially editing things together in my mind, communicating it to a co-worker, who then turns my vision into reality.  I am no longer forced to go out as a photographer for half my shift like at KQ2, and instead I'm now able to spend my entire shift inside of the confines of the television station.

My only real regrets since getting here in Fort Smith are putting too much trust in a few people I built romantic connections with that completely flaked out.  It's always disappointing when you get "ghosted" or rejected in any way.  With where I am now in terms of my life, I've begun to focus most of my energy now on meeting people in Northwest Arkansas and not trying to build any more connections in Fort Smith than I need to.

Overall, I am hoping to feel more inspiration to update this over the coure of the next year.  My life has been very uneventful in terms of things I want to share over the past year.  I felt since it had been a year since I reflected though, it seemed to be as good of a time as ever to put some of my reflections on the past year into words.

I hope the next year brings more friends outside of work and more music and art in my life that I can enjoy collectively with others.  Separating myself from society was exactly what I needed to regain my bearings, but now I feel like I need to re-emerge from my cave and once again take on the world and forge epic friendships.

Turning a Page (It's a Long Way to Tipperary)

I am entering the final days of an era of my life that has lasted nearly six years.  After Football Tonight closes out at around 11 p.m. on Friday, I will be wrapping up my tenure at KQ2, the ABC station I grew up watching.  I'll be moving on to Fort Smith, Arkansas near the Ozarks to work at KFSM television.  It is a CBS affiliate.

I am going to look fondly at my time at KQ2 as an experience that both helped me grow as a person and forge friendships that I will remember for a lifetime.  I stayed longer than most and made it through roughly three generations of the newsroom.  I will be forever grateful and indebted to Bridget, the news director who hired me as morning show producer in September 2012 despite me not having any real television news experience.

It was sort of rough at first, both learning my methodology for producing and learning the often outdated technology that a market 200 station is stuck using.  In 2015, I feel I began to get my footing as a producer and realized this is the career I want for the rest of my life.  I am so grateful to Bob, the longtime anchor on Hometown this Morning that helped me grow as a producer by giving me daily feedback and Andy, the evening producer who would later become the news director that gave me wonderful feedback when needed.

In early 2017 I moved from the morning show to the evening news shows and by late September 2017 I had received a call from the assistant news director at KFSM that they were looking for producers.  I was slightly perplexed why they would be calling a small station in northwest Missouri in their search, but I later found out that an anchor I worked closely with had applied there, and I can't confirm this, but I assume they found out about my work through that.  The combination of that interest and the unique market made me accept their offer.  It might be a jump from 200 to 100, but the population of Fort Smith (the city I will be living in) is around 90,000 and only around 20,000 greater than St. Joseph.  The market is unique because it is also based out of Fayetteville, which is a college town with a population of 80,000.  I am hoping this will mean that the market isn't going to be as cut throat like a city where there is 150,000.  I have gotten nothing but a down home family vibe.

I am also looking forward to beginning an adventure in the Ozarks.  I can't wait until Spring when I can begin to explore all the nature trails that the northwest Arkansas area has to offer.

Keep up to date on my professional journeys by following my twitter account here: @5NEWSNielson on Twitter.

I can't wait to look back at this post and see how I reflect on it and what will mark the biggest jump I have made in my 35 years on Earth.  I can only help but think of the final scene of the show that (at least partially and subconsciously) inspired me to want to go into television news, The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

"You know something, Mr. Grant? Now that it's over, I don't feel as bad as I thought I was going to.  In fact, I feel pretty good, I really do."

Astronaut With Family Connection to Pony Express in Town for Solar Eclipse

A former NASA astronaut whose great-grandfather rode in the Pony Express is back in St. Joseph to witness Monday's total solar eclipse.

Dr. William Fisher II is the descendant of Pony Express rider Billy Fisher and said that connection will make viewing the eclipse reach totality in St. Joseph extra special.

Billy Fisher, rider in the Pony Express

He went into space as a part of the sixth flight of Space Shuttle Discovery and brought several items connected to his ancestor's time riding in the Pony Express.

"There was several items I brought from this museum like a Pony Express poster," Fisher said. "Interestingly enough, the Pony Express was ended by the completion of the Transcontinental Railroad where they drove the golden spike and I got to fly the golden spike on my mission too."

Crew on the sixth mission of Space Shuttle Discovery

Fisher's mission began on August 27, 1985 and lasted just over seven days and he said he felt participating in the space mission was a continuation of the same spirit of adventure that his great grand-father had exhibited by riding in the Pony Express.

"It's the pioneer spirit that lives in all of us and it felt great that I was carrying on his legacy." Fisher said.

The connection to his ancestor isn't the only thing that will make Monday a day to remember for Fisher. He said that being around people witnessing the solar spectacle for the first time is also a one of a kind experience.

"If you see a solar eclipse and you're not moved by it to think about the heavens in general there's something wrong with you," Fisher said. "Everybody that I know has learned something about the solar system and the sun from the fact that it is coming and I think that's a great thing."

Fisher also spoke with KQ2 about his thoughts on the program that brought him into space ending.

"We haven't got a space ship at all. Our astronauts can't get to space without the Russians," Fisher said. "That's shameful. Do you know how long ago we landed on the moon? It was a month before Woodstock! Now we can't even get to space. I think it's disgraceful."

With Monday's celestial event being viewed by people coast-to-coast, he hopes it will inspire those witnessing and push the space program forward.

"We need to make some kind of discovery that pushes us ahead," Fisher said. "I wish it had been sooner in my lifetime because Mars would be great."

Fisher makes it a point to return to St. Joseph every couple decades to reconnect with his family roots.

Great American Eclipse Preview Show

Here is the final edition of Hometown this Morning I will ever produce.  I produced this show for nearly five years, and returned for this special preview show of the Great American Eclipse, which you can watch in its entirety in the Youtube video below:

Newly Rediscovered Photo Suggests New Theory in Disappearance of Amelia Earhart

It's considered one of the biggest mysteries of all time, but now a documentary is offering a new explanation for northeast Kansas native Amelia Earhart's disappearance.

A never-before-seen photo, from the National Archives, is believed to show Earhart and her navigator, Fred Noonan, after they crash-landed in the Marshall Islands in the Pacific Ocean.

The photo came from a top secret Navy file, according to a new History Channel special.

Earhart vanished 80 years ago while attempting to become the first women to fly around the world.

The prevailing theory about what happened to Earhart and Noonan is that they crashed and sank in the South Pacific on July 2, 1937.

The newly unearthed photo suggests they survived and that decades-old theory is wrong.

The documentary makes the claim she may have been captured by the Japanese military.

The filmmakers also present accounts of locals who claimed to have seen her and use comparative photos of Earhart, Noonan and her plane to support their theory.

Japanese officials have reportedly denied the claims and U.S. officials have not confirmed any of the show's assertions.

Earhart was born in Atchison in 1897 and you can find more information on her life and legacy by visiting the Amelia Earhart Museum.

"Amelia Earhart: The Lost Evidence" airs this Sunday night at 8:00 p.m. on The History Channel.

Comey FBI Testimony

Note: This is an article I wrote for work alongside the help of another reporter who interviewed the professor.  A video of the segment I produced on my show that accompanied it will be attached at the bottom.

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A local political expert is weighing in on former FBI Director James Comey's testimony before the Senate Intelligence Committee on Thursday.

Comey testified under oath on his interactions with President Donald Trump since Hillary Clinton's defeat in the 2016 election.

It was Comey's first public appearance since he was abruptly fired by President Trump on May 9.

Comey spoke of a growing unease between himself and the president. He told senators he believed Trump had both lied to him on multiple occasions and tried to pressure him into dropping the investigation into former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn's connections with the Russian government.

Comey also accused the Trump administration of consciously working to sabotage his public image. "The administration then chose to defame me and more importantly the FBI by saying that the organization was in disarray," Comey said.  "That it was poorly led, that the work force had lost confidence in its leader.  Those were lies, plain and simple.

During the testimony, Comey said he asked a third-party person to leak his memos detailing those conversations with Trump to the press. Comey hoped this would lead to the appointment of a special counsel to handle the investigation into the Trump campaign's interactions with the Russian government.

"I was honestly concerned that he might lie about the nature of our meeting and so I thought it really important to document," the former FBI Director said.

The president fired back through his attorney, saying Comey's admission that he leaked information should lead the former FBI director be investigated for other leaks.

Missouri Western political science professor Melinda Kovacs said she felt it was a smart move by Comey to have the memos leaked to reporters.

"I think that what has come out in public for this particular case is much more substantial and serious than in previous cases in presidential history," Kovacs said.

Kovacs added she believes the next steps in the investigation will most likely not be as public as Thursday's testimony, and will involve work behind closed doors by Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

Regardless of how his investigation turns out, Kovacs said she believes today's hearing will have long-lasting effects on the White House.

Election 2016

The only people who are more out of touch than Donald Trump voters are people who think Bernie Sanders would have beat him and people who think Hillary and Bill Clinton give two fucks about inclusivity and good-heartedness.

Tower

Netzach=Hod

The lightning bolt destroys the outworn walls.

Two characters are overthrown; each falls,

Returns to Mother Earth.  The Sacred Mound

Is quickened; there the spark of life is found.

Accept the holy blast that overhauls!

Eleven is when we wave goodbye...

On Monday night, Earth and Mars will become cosmically cozy. The two will be at their closest in more than a decade, separated by just 47 million miles.

Normally, Mars is about 140 million miles from Earth on average, but that gap can widen to as much as 250 million miles when the two planets are on opposite sides of the sun.

The last time Mars snuggled up so closely was in 2005 when the planets were about 43 million miles apart. According to NASA, the red planet really put the squeeze on us in 2003, when it was only 35 million miles away, the tightest hug in more than 60,000 years.

Monday’s celestial embrace will be a great opportunity for skygazers to view the orangey-red orb without a telescope. The planet has been particularly bright since mid-May, when it was approaching opposition, or aligning with Earth and the sun. It will remain similarly big and bright all week and begin to fade in mid-June.

If the weather prevents you from having a clear view, you can watch a live stream by the Slooh Community Observatory, which manages a large network of telescopes across the globe, beginning at 9 p.m. Eastern.

The next time Mars will cuddle Earth this closely will be July 31, 2018.

(courtesy: New York Times)

The Wisdom of Mr. Rogers

I am proud to say that Mr. Rogers was a very big influence on my development as a human being.  Every weekday his calming and deliberately-paced voice taught me about the worlds of fantasy and reality through the television set.  

Not Feeling the Bern

Bernie Sanders has a lot of blood on his hands based on his voting record and I refuse to support him over legitimate candidates like Gary Johnson and Jill Stein based off of that and that alone.

"Not as bad" is still bad and an anti-war stance (backed up by a credible history of following through on those promises) and use of our military in an exclusively defensive manner are the most important qualities I look for in a candidate. From his continued funding of both the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars, to his constant support of countless Western nations violent efforts to reshape the political structure of a country for their own gain (even if it means civilian casualties and a mass refugee exodus), to the constant reference to two lame duck votes against starting two wars as the only examples of him having an anti-war stance, it is clear Bernie Sanders does not have the history to back up his claims.

How can I believe he wants to offer what I feel should be basic human rights like medical care and education when he doesn't even have a credible or consistent track record when it comes to an issue as big as war? Obama promised the same stuff and all he did was make sure everyone that can pay for insurance has to, and you have to pay more.

Goals & Ideals

"I realize more and more that I am so constituted that I shall not succeed in realizing my ideals, while in another sense, and precisely in the human sense, I shall grow far beyond my ideals. Ordinarily, most people aim their ideals at the Great, the Extraordinary, which they never attain. I am far too melancholy to harbor such ideals. Others would smile at my ideals. It is certainly true that my ideal was simply to become a husband, to live solely for being married. And lo and behold, while I despair of attaining that goal I become an author and, who knows, maybe a ranking author.
[...]
I have been content to be regarded as half-mad, though this merely was a negative form of being something out of the ordinary. And this may quite possibly remain my essential form of existence, and I shall never attain the pleasant, becalmed existence of being something very small."

- Søren Kierkegaard diary entry from November of 1846.

Stories of the Street

"With one hand on the hexagram and one hand on the girl 

I balance on a wishing well that all men call the world. 

We are so small between the stars, so large against the sky, 

and lost among the subway crowds I try to catch your eye."

Forever

It was almost magic to me, the way that so many of them could just breeze through it all without a care in the world.  No consequences when there is always a safety net any and every time you need it.  I take solace knowing this type of life is its own punishment, forever damned to an inability to find joy in life's fleeting moments, forever looking for something we can never have, forever telling themselves what they can't have is the only thing worth striving for, forever spinning into a never ending journey that won't be enjoyed.

Truth

I finished Dexter [Spoilers]

I have finished watching Dexter, one of the most engaging fucking television shows made in recent years.  While the last four season were not on par with the first four, I still loved the whole thing.  It only took me a month or two to watch the entire series, and Jesus fucking Christ, I'm really going to fucking miss Dexter Morgan and Deb Morgan.  Never has a finale left me so distressed and wanting more so badly.  Debra is one of the best character in the fucking history of television.  The finale wasn't perfect, but I don't think it was as bad as it gets accused of being.  Maybe it is because I watched the entire show over a month and a half instead of nearly a decade, but I thought it was a fitting, tragic end to a story that could only end tragically.  I am really gonna fucking miss this show.

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"You say anything more about my brother and I will kick your fucking nuts down your throat." - Debra Morgan

"My sister puts up a front so the world won't see how vulnerable she is. Me, I put up a front so the world won't see how vulnerable I'm not. I don't care who these fingertips belong to, only what my new friend out there is trying to say." - Dexter Morgan

"Ever since we were little. Don't you remember the monsters? Every time mom would turn off the lights, they'd be running all over the walls and I couldn't go to sleep 'cause I thought they were going to eat me or something. They were the shadows. You came in and explained in your dorky little voice. 'It's just the absence of light, Deb.' I don't even know why I remember that, but I do. And even then, you stayed in my room. You slept on my floor. You made me feel so fuckin' safe. You've always taken care of me. I know you're going to be a great father 'cause you've always been a great big brother." - Debra Morgan

"She's the only person in the world who loves me. I think that's nice. I don't have feeling about anything, but if I could have feelings at all, I'd have them for Deb." - Dexter Morgan

"I'll see you soon" - Debra Morgan :-(

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